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Two words sum up the newest trailer for Chinese basketball movie, “Amazing:” Holy. Shnikes.

Make sure you’re sitting down comfortably and that there are no breakables around your computer. OK? Now click and watch.

WOW!!!!

Where to begin? After bringing my pulse rate down, the premise appears simple enough: Take some of of the things Chinese males like (video games, basketball, NBA stars, CBA stars, virtual reality, alternate universes, women, other cool stuff), put them all onto the big screen and you have “Amazing,” a sci-fi/action/fantasy/basketball movie due out in China in late 2013.

According to the LA Times, the 3-D movie is being backed by the NBA, features several Chinese and American current and former basketball superstars, and cost around U.S. $10 million to make. The plot goes something like this:

“Amazing” centers on a video game company boss, Frank (Eric Mabius of TV’s ”Ugly Betty”), who is eager to rush his firm’s new thought-controlled basketball game to market, despite the objections of the project leader Bingshan (popular Chinese actor Huang Xiaoming), who warns that a bug in the system could escape the computer and infect players’ brains.

Along the way, Anthony shows up to coach an after-school program in China and speaks Shanghainese. Pippen materializes at the bedside of his No. 1 Chinese fan, and wakes him from a coma by massaging his legs. Howard appears in a light blue spandex superhero get-up with a cape and tries to use chopsticks.

So other cool stuff includes male leg massages and what is bound to be some terrible Shanhainese. Though ‘Melo gets major props for trying. Hey, I’m with it either way. Other cool stuff also apparently includes weird sexual connotations from D-12:

“Think about the basketball as being a girl,” Howard tells Bingshan in one memorable line of dialogue during a one-on-one pickup game. “You’ve got to hold her, caress her, kiss her, and when you do that, she’ll make you happy.”

There’s also a “love triangle” involved, too. No word whether an actual basketball is one of the three sides involved in that triangle.

The LA Times is also reporting that the movie’s release will coincide with China’s National Day holidays in early October, which conveniently enough will also be around the same time the Los Angeles Lakers and the Golden State Warriors come to Beijing and Shanghai for the 2013 China Games.

We have no idea what to expect with this; we just know we will be seeing this. This trailer is so epic, it’d be a travesty not to. Even if we remained totally bummed out they didn’t call Mengke Bateer, who has a better acting resume than any of the pro players involved in this… combined.

(H/T @Trey Kirby and The Basketball Jones)

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3 Responses to “Two words sum up the newest trailer for Chinese basketball movie, “Amazing:” Holy. Shnikes.”

  1. Karan Says:

    Wow. This looks like the best movie in the thriving sub-genre of basketball- China-video games-Dwight Howard-sexual connotations-bad acting ever. Can’t wait for October

    Reply

  2. mr lolz Says:

    wow… lol….

    i am so watching this.

    Reply

  3. Jay K. Says:

    pastuszek I am ripping you or seriously asking you next time we ball if you’ve been hittin the peace pipe too much when you wrote this piece

    Reply

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